✌New Year Resolutions!

✌VLOGMAS WEEK 4

✌Missing Christmas

People always wonder why I don't celebrate Christmas like everyone else. They wonder why I don't get excited for the music, lights, or the super cheesy Christmas movies. I wasn't always the Grinch, I use to love this holiday. I use to love the excitement of waking up to see all the cookies and milk gone, and seeing the gifts under the tree, Growing up we didn't have much but my parents did make sure that we had an amazing Christmas. I remember waking up and my sister and I running into the living room full of emotions to see little boxes with our names on them. 

Sadly I no longer feel any emotion towards Christmas, I recognize the reason for the holiday and then I move on about my day. 

I can in fact pinpoint to the exact year that Christmas lost it's joy and magic, it was the year of 2004. That was the year that I so suddenly lost my mother. That was the year that I realized that I took my beautiful and amazing mother for granted, 

The saying "You don't know what you have until it's gone" well it's nothing but the truth. I didn't realize that I had the most amazing mother in the entire world. I didn't realize how much she loved me. I didn't realize it until it was to late. 

Christmas just isn't the same without her. It's not the same without that warm smile. 

People wonder why I don't like Christmas, here's your answer; I don't like it because it's not even going to be the same,

I love you mom. More than you will ever know.

✌VLOGMAS WEEK 3

✌VLOGMAS WEEK 1

✌New Video//Dealing With Stress//Hair Change

✌That Simple Life

It's such a simple thing that is over complicated quite often. We mistake small things for gigantic problems. I know I have that fault, I very often don't take time to sit and appreciate the small things in life. Like how the stars shine when the sun no longer does or when you're laying in bed on a Saturday morning and you open your eyes to see the sliver of light peeking through your curtain. Or when your dad comes home from the store and brings you your very own jar of peanut-butter because he remembered how much you loved it. We get caught up in our daily routine and we become so busy that we forget how simple things really are. Life is not a huge Rubik's cube or a Sudoku puzzle, life is nothing but a game of jump rope. 

Life isn't about making bank or becoming famous, it's about loving others and allowing yourself to be loved. You have to enjoy the little things, just to quote my sister's favorite movie. Instead of people worrying about that they are suppose to do with their lives how about we go outside sit on a blanket and read. This world is made up of beauty's and wonders but instead of seeing what is out there you are worried about payday. We as people live a busy life that is driven by time, but if we take time out of the equation what do we have? Simplicity. Let's live a simple life instead of being worried about what's to come. 

Worrying gives you wrinkles
anyway.

✌Identity Crisis

I have no clue who I am. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. Living day to day is getting exhausting, it's like going on an extended trip with nothing planned out. I know that doesn't sound so bad! It actually sounds like an adventure. Well, for me it is the most aggravating thing in the world. I love to have everything planned out. I want to know how my life will end up so I can plan accordingly. I hate surprises and life is nothing but a huge surprise. 

As I'm watching those around me starting and living there lives I can't help but to become sad that I am just sitting there doing nothing.
I graduated high school, went to college, and now I am in ministry school. But I don't know what I want to do after my time in the internship. Should I go to RSM, apply to college for counseling, or just go to work in the ministry?

It feels like I am the only one that doesn't have their stuff together. So in order to pick my self up I had to make some changes. I bleached my hair and I have a new outlook on life. I am still going to take things day by day but I am going to stay positive. My identity doesn't come from me knowing who I am or what I am suppose to do. My identity comes from Christ. Only he can define who I am. And he is the one who knows the ending to my story.

Only the best work takes time. And I am beginning to love and truly appreciate his work.

✌NEW VIDEO! Update//Where I've Been//Video Ideas??

✌Going Into Full Time Ministry.

 I never would have thought that I would be going into full time ministry! I have always been the girl who wants to travel but also wants to make that bank! Growing up I bounced from one idea to another on what I wanted to be when I grew up, just to name a few; Lawyer, Teacher, Marine Biologist, and even a nun! Well being a nun is considered EXTREME full time ministry. But that idea didn't stay in my head very long after my mother told me that they couldn't get married or have children. So not keeping the occupation of a nun in mind, I never wanted to go into ministry.

 I officially became a true 100% christian in my freshman year in high school. Then that summer I joined a high school internship at my church, I loved it. I finally had friends and I was truly happy. But during my sophomore year I was hurt and left the church. All my passion left and I got into some pretty bad stuff during my absence of around 4 years. I would go on and off only because of a certain few that wouldn't stop bugging me. Well while I was doing a college program after I graduated high school, I started going back to church regularly. Now it is 2014 and I have never been so on fire for God! I am in a serious internship at my church, (basically ministry school), it's intense but I am loving it. I have decided to continue to do the second year and become an ordained minister at the age of 20. After that I have no clue what I want to do, or better said is I have no clue what God wants me to do! I know that I am called to go to South Africa, but I have no clue when. I have been praying about going to RSM, Ramp School of Ministry, and major in missions and evangelism. It's been on my mind a lot recently so I know it's important to think and pray about. I am really praying about it! I actually just watched the promo video for RSM's missions and evangelism major while I was writing this and my heart started pounding and my face starting heating up and tingling. All I know is that God has me where he wants me; working two jobs, in ministry school, and ministering at home to my sister. I know that he will reveal to me what he wants me to do after next year. All it's going to take is a lot of patience. What I do know is this, it will be Full Time Ministry.

✌ Fall Is Here!

✌ Fall Is Here! by wednesdaynights featuring a leather knapsack

Monki long grey cardigan, $19 / American Vintage rayon top / Hudson Jeans zipper skinny jeans / Ollio laced shoes / Herschel leather knapsack, $80 / Chain jewelry / RyuRyu hair bands accessory / Round tortoise shell eyeglass / Maybelline palette eyeshadow / Maybelline nude cosmetic / Maybelline waterproof eye makeup / Essie metallic gold nail polish

✌ Feeling Inadequate?

I can't be the only one feeling this way? In fact I know I'm not, this is a common feeling that is shared among many young people. This feeling of inadequacy shouldn't even be a thought that runs through our minds, but it is. I hate to say I have been feeling a little inadequate as of late. I would like to pretend that everything is okay and nothing is wrong, but there is something wrong with feeling this way! No one is inadequate! Then why can't I get this through my thick skull?! Oh yeah because I am stubborn. Actually I now know why I am feeling like this. Lately my life has had some HUGE changes, and I am seeing some things that is making me feel like this.

To be honest this is the hardest post I have ever tried to write. Trying to put my thoughts and feelings here is making me so confused. Am I making any sense? I hope I am!

In simple terms I feel like I am overlooked. Overlooked by my family. Overlooked by my friends. Overlooked by everyone. I have noticed people drifting from me to other people, and it makes me wonder are they better than me? Are they funnier than me? Are they prettier than me? 

I feel as if I have no true talent. I can't sing. I can't play an instrument. I think I can dance but I probably just look like a limp noodle flopping around on the stage. Seeing people using their gifts makes me feel useless. What do I have that I can actually use?! It really breaks my heart seeing people using their gifts, when I have nothing to use. 

It is a constant struggle trying to be happy lately. I hate being around my friends, and I hate feeling this way. I know that God has made me who I am for a reason. He made me to reach people that others can't. So why do I feel like this?

Because the enemy is seeing all of the great things ahead of me and he is trying to make me self destruct. I have self destructed a couple of times in the past and it's not something I care to go through again. So I am going to take this feeling of Inadequacy day by day and give it to God. It is his now. Jesus's last words were "It is finished" and indeed it is!

✌ Is It Fall Time Yet?!

✌ Is It Fall Time Yet?! by wednesdaynights featuring a 18k yellow gold ring

Sweatshirts hoody, $24 / Toms shirt / Hudson Jeans vintage skinny jeans / TOMS espadrilles flat, $57 / Steve Madden black handbag / Janis Savitt 18k yellow gold ring / Necklace / ASOS top finger ring / Round tortoise eyeglass / RyuRyu head wrap headband / LORAC shimmer eyeshadow / Maybelline lip makeup / Maybelline waterproof mascara / Essie nail polish

✌ I Don't Know Anymore.

✌ I don't know anymore. by wednesdaynights featuring urban decay eye makeup

Pink dress, $29 / Rag bone grey cardigan / River Island grey socks, $3.32 / Topshop black buckle booties, $115 / Forever 21 white tote bag / Isabel Marant brass necklace / ASOS knotted headwrap, $9.95 / Wildfox retro glasses / Urban decay eye makeup / Maybelline black eye makeup / Wet n Wild lip cosmetic / Essie gold nail polish

✌ I Cut My Hair / Tips On Styling Short Hair!

I cut my hair a few weeks ago and when I say it was the best decision I have ever made, it was. It was so liberating to watch all of the hair fall to the floor! I was battling with should I keep growing out my hair or should I just commit to the big chop.

So obviously I committed to the cut and I am in love. At first I was scared that it wouldn't look good on me and that no one would like it. But truth be told it is my hair and no one elses. I am the one who has to be happy with what I have. I am the one who has to deal with it everyday, so I did it.  :)

I couldn't be happier!

Okay, now at first when it came time to style my hair on my own I was dumbfounded. I had no clue on what I should do. At first I just threw a bandana on and called it a day. But now I am starting to step out and do different things with my new do. 

We all know how ADDICTED to Buzzfeed I am. If I ever had the opportunity to work there I would snatch it up like a chubby kid taking the last piece of cake. I was on Pinterest and Buzzfeed pinned something from their website on styling Pixie Cuts, I don't have a pixie cut, I have the typical white boy hair cut. But the cuts are similar so I felt compelled to look at what they had on their website.

I love what they posted so I am going to have the links and all that fun stuff down here:

 ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓

♡ Buzzfeed: 18 Awesome Style Ideas For Pixie Cuts

♡ Pinterest board for haircuts and color

♡  DIY Tutorial: Styling A Pixie Haircut

♡ Sleek Pixie

My Latest Video Explaining Why I Did It! 

↓ ↓ ↓ ↓

✌ Last Night's Dream.

I woke up in a daze this morning and I had no clue why this happened, not until later today. Last night I had a dream about one of my "exes" I use that term lightly because I was just a kid when we "dated" but nevertheless we were together. Dreaming about him made me feel oddly comfortable even though I haven't seen or spoken with him in years. I think since I have been in a place where I am feeling as though nothing is making sense my subconscious thought I needed something that was familiar. Well done subconscious, well done. All you've done was make me feel like I need him back in my life. But I know I don't need him, he was stripped from my life for a reason. Reasons I don't know but God had a plan for my life and he obviously wasn't apart of it. 

 The one for me is still out there, I have no clue where he is or who he is. Only God knows who he is, who knows maybe the man I am suppose to be with already knows that I was made for him and is waiting for God to tell him that's it's time. All I know is I can't wait to meet him. 

On Friday, two of my wonderful friends are getting married and it feels my heart with happiness knowing that they have found their forever. 

My forever is out there somewhere waiting for me like I am waiting for him.

✌ College Graduation + Embarrassing Story!!

✌ Weirdo

✌ Weirdo by wednesdaynights featuring an urban decay eye shadow

Crop shirt, $36 / High-waisted denim shorts, $27 / TOMS slip on shoes / Steve Madden black crossbody / Gold triangle ring, $470 / Round eyeglass / RyuRyu wire headband / Urban decay eye shadow / Maybelline black mascara / Revlon lips makeup / Essie nail polish, $18

✌ Graduation Night!

I graduated college tonight, and trust me I thought I would not make it. No one else in my entire family has graduated high school and gone to college. Tonight was a special  night and it was well deserved. I worked so hard to get to this point and I will continue to work even harder! Starting in the spring semester I will be enrolling into college yet again but thing time I will be majoring in pre law! That's right your girl will be studying to become a lawyer. Now I know that this will take dedication and hard work but I know I can do it. Hey, I know what some may be thinking "you just graduated college for Medical Assisting and now you want to go BACK to school for something totally different??!!" YUP!! This life is meant for education and I plan on getting every ounce of education I can. Debt will come but I know that God will provide with the means.


I can't wait until my next journey in life!

I want to encourage all of those who think that they can't do it, YOU CAN! You can do whatever you put your mind to. Don't let the opinions of man get you down. If you want to go to college 4 times for different things, you go ahead and do it. If you want to open a store, you do it! You were blessed with this extraordinary life, so live it to the fullest. Don't go to bed thinking "I should have..." Go to bed thinking "My life has been the most amazing adventure so far, and I am only 20. I wonder what I can do by the time I am 30?!"

▲Cozy Day

▲Cozy Day by wednesdaynights featuring a fox eyewear

Rag Bone cashmere cardigan / Green top / Black shorts / TOMS flat shoes, $59 / Steve Madden crossbody handbag / Gold ring, $470 / Isabel Marant gold jewelry / American Apparel hair accessory / Wildfox fox eyewear / Urban Decay matte eyeshadow / Wet n Wild lips makeup / Maybelline mascara / Maybelline nail polish, $5.01